May 2005
By Steve Kelly
1st May: Everton do have allies in the national press, but it’s more often as a result of the hatred we inspire than anything sympathetic to their cause. Ricco’s Rant in the ‘Express’ is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages, full of misinformation and myth. What “ambitions” did Bilbao satisfy in 87 that Everton couldn’t? What good would Andy Gray have been in the European Cup after he was sold to Aston Villa? The prick wants Liverpool to hand them our place in Europe whatever the outcome: “surely morals should be put above money every time?” – and this guy’s writing about football? Next time you’re in Mordor, watch out for that Moyes look-alike…… the same paper’s Jim Holden pours scorn on the idea that Chelsea will be bothered b! y Tuesday night’s atmosphere. If you say so. Kezman agrees, “it’s more history and tradition – we are not afraid”. Noooooooooooo, of course you’re not.
2nd May: More whine, sir? Actually, I think ‘sir’ has had enough this season. Won a few games have we? Capeling stomps all over us YET again, pouring endless sarcasm on Dudek’s claim that we’ve been kicked hither and yon this season. The fossil’s rapier-like response is “ah diddums” basically, demonstrating just how much bunking off the blues do from their School of Science. He finishes his dribbling rant with another sly dig: “Chelsea’s spy dashed over to the celebrations at the Reebok, brow unfurrowed”. You really don’t get it, do you? City defeat, off to Turin. Palace defeat, off to Stamford Bridge. You’ve lost the plot in ! every conceivable sense. 3rd May: Free The Goodison Eleven! Is the Express now orchestrating some kind of campaign to get us to forfeit any CL place we may or may not get (it’s that fat oaf John Dillon this morning)? “For a club as grand and honourable as Liverpool, morality should matter”. Yeah, dig out your piece on Turf Moor in January and we’ll talk then. Heysel “denied them the opportunity of matching the glorious history of their rivals”. What, even in England? These lazy scumbags will use anything to get at us, no matter what parallel universe they have to dig it out of.
3rd May: “If by some miracle”……… just remember those wonderful words when you all start making plans for Istanbul! LIVERPOOL 1 CHELSEA 0. It happened, it really did. I’m not talking about the result, it’s what should have happened in January and what nearly happened in Cardiff. I mean the atmosphere: that’s got to be the best it’s ever been, surely? For our first European Cup semi final in 20 years it was bound to be hot. Against another English side, when you knew we needed to pull out all the stops, it was going to be awesome BUT because it was them and because of how odious they’ve been (and continue to be) I’d have to put that right up there with all the great nights. Each player gave their all, particularly Baros who took a! ll kinds of abuse from Terry and Carvalho and was so brave for the goal. For all their money and quality, all Chelsea could do was hit it long and hope for the best. They even sent on a player called Hoof to do it. We’ve said it before and we’ve finally backed it up with actions on and off the pitch: you can’t buy class. Garcia, for all his glaring faults, has been the man of the tournament so far. His goals have got us here, so if he never does anything else that’s his fee paid for twice over. I’ll save the last word for that man Gudjohnsen. Another stitch-up referee gave them SIX minutes to scramble an equaliser, and when the ball fell to that bastard it was set up for our worst moment in football. Instead, it became the best. Our most famous son once sang “Instant karma’s gonna g! et you”. Chelsea are out, and we all shine on……..
4th May: Money can’t even buy you a semblance of class or dignity nowadays. Jose’s bleating is the icing on the cake. “The best side lost”? Not over the two legs, pal. As for the “magnificent power of Anfield” not interfering with his players, two words: Didier Drogba. For all their big talk about not being affected, they were rattled and didn’t play remotely as well as (to be fair) we know they can. Alonso will be in the final and Fat Frank won’t. He and Gudjohnsen will be remembered as the men who missed glaring opportunities that could have made history for Chelsea. Mourinho’s pathetic whinging will be the talking point, because Kipling was right: you treat the 2 impostors just the same, and you know Rafa would ! have been a lot nobler.
4th May: This fanzine hasn’t been very kind to Steve Curry of late. The words “fat” “moron” “arse” and “large spike” may have appeared at some point, but he did Jamie Carragher’s performance full justice today. When I think back to how this lad was one yellow card away from missing the biggest game of his life and still got in the way of every ball and got in so many vital last-ditch tackles. If one was mistimed, if one Chelsea player had done the usual pirouette – that was his lot. “The Liverpool debt to Jamie Carragher over the two legs cannot be underestimated – he performed like a gladiator”. Exactly.
5th May: It’s nice to know that Chelsea can put their disappointment aside and get on with the job in hand – tapping up other club’s players. “Gerrard still tops the list”, writes Harold Harris esq, no doubt typing through the tears at the loss of his Istanbul junket. “Mourinho, with a full dossier, believes he knows how to make Gerrard an even better player”. Aye, who knows? He might even get to captain a European Cup-winning side if he plays he cards right. Oooo, hang on…… …
5th May: Sky aren’t pleased either, and have spent the last three days proving that the goal shouldn’t have stood. Andy Gray looks terribly upset: there wasn’t actually a noose around his neck, but you sense it’s only a matter of time. I’m glad Dave Usher ‘outed’ me in his last issue as the one who told him I hoped it wasn’t over the line. We owed that shower of cheats after everything that’s gone on this season. Argue back if you like, about Cech being sent off and a penalty being awarded and where Gallas was actually standing when he cleared but I’m not wasting any breath.
6th May: The campaign to get us in next year’s competition goes into overdrive, conveniently ignoring Everton in the league and AC Milan in the final. Now a lot of people would join the BNP if the ‘Mail’ ever said that racism was wrong, so to see them banging our drum so ferociously makes me feel queasy and paranoid. When they print quotes from Lineker, Bryan Robson and Howard Kendall (yes, they did mention Heysel – they can’t go 100% cold turkey y’know) backing us, I developed a rash that is still itching like crazy. It’s all a trick, got to be. What the hell are they up to? Moyes meanwhile goes a full 3 days without trying to diminish what we’ve done and shoehorning Everton into the equation. He cracks by day 4 though: ! “we have as good and as intimidating a crowd at Goodison”. Envy’s a terrible thing, isn’t it?
7th May: People can always surprise you. While Harry Harris backs our cause and rips into the bumbling UEFA bigwigs (while also criticising the FA’s Professional Game Board that has virtually handed Everton the 4th qualifying place) Arsene Wenger has come out with the meanest, pettiest shite I’ve ever heard. Not even Ferguson would sink this low. “The European Cup has been a complete cup competition – like Millwall reaching the FA Cup final – and maybe we will have Coventry in next year’s final”. For the record, Arsenal have reached SEVEN of the last 8 FA Cup semi finals – and not one European Cup semi final. Ever. Millwall played no side above their station in 2004 before the final, whilst we have had to face: last year’s final! ists and semi finalists, the Italian champions-elect and the English champions – and still have Serie A challengers and all-time greats AC Milan to come. “Everybody can win it”………I’m not the only one to spot the fatal flaw in that reasoning, am I?
7th May: Running scared, are we? The FA website page that featured last year’s solution to any CL problems has mysteriously disappeared. Eagle-eyed surfers had spotted that the FA then were guaranteeing Arsenal or Chelsea a place in the CL even if by some miracle (© Sky Sports News) they (a) won it (b) finished 5th. By sheer coincidence, the fourth-placed side that would have suffered as a result of this would have been……Liverpool. Well, well, well. Where was David Dein on November 22nd 1963, that’s what I wanna know. 8th May: Everton won yes! terday, having been battered for 40 minutes then getting a dodgy free kick from which David Weir scored. The ref sent 3 Newcastle players off in a previous game, and sent one off yesterday for breathing on Cahill. It’s not our year is it? That much is confirmed by ARSENAL 3 L 1. Their class told in the end, but we put up a decent fight in the second half. At least it wasn’t as one-sided as the first. Whatever abuse is going to come our way locally (and you can’t deny them their right to gloat after 18 years of waiting) it wasn’t as a result of losing to such a great side; it was for losing to rubbish like Palace, City, Birmingham, Boro, Southampton, Newcastle and (yes) Everton. Istanbul’s not a bad fallback though is it?
8th May: The semi final ref has confirmed that he would have sent Petr Cech off and awarded a penalty anyway. It wouldn’t diffuse the controversy in any case as he confesses “I am a good friend of Anders Frisk”. He kept that one pretty quiet! What’s really great about the interview is this, and if your heart has cockles prepare them for a scorching: I have refereed at places like Barcelona, Ibrox, Manchester United and Arsenal but I’ve never in my life been involved in such an atmosphere. It was incredible……..it’s okay. J! ust got something in my eye, that’s all………ps: Arsenal?!
9th May: Well, we knew it would be awful. Here’s just a sample from the deluge of piffle coming from across the park, via their two fanzines based in Old Hall Street. “Moyes: We’re the best team in this city now” is the Post headline, while Cueballeyes lets the cat out of the bag: “if Liverpool had been chosen ahead of us for the CL spot it could have caused problems in our city”. Yeah? Why’s that, then? Because your ragtag collection of woodwork escapees would kick off? The Echo has it on the front page: “WE’RE BACK! Blues’ joy as 20-year wait ends”. Dignity, always dignity. Two things: (a) you’re not in the European Cup yet: I know you’ve little experience in these matters, but do try to keep up (b) Gerard Houllier clearly man! aged the wrong Merseyside club. Two words: massive achievement. Two more words: the sack. Thanks for the “Goodison Legends” piece by David Prentice. I’ll treasure it always.
10th May: And on and on it goes. “There’s no doubt Liverpool are the bigger club in terms of finance”………and? Trophies? Fans? Fame? Stature? Class? Any of that ringing a bell? Thought not. Their delusions are getting the better of them, though. The Post states “Everton are almost certain to be seeded for the Champions League final qualifying round in August”. Why’s that – because of your stupendous record in Europe since the ban was lifted? Or do you really, seriously believe this ‘sympathy vote for Heysel’ bollocks? You’ve got a! big shock coming to you when the next season begins. I suspect it won’t be the last. Meanwhile, United fans show their loyalty to Ferguson by fleeing the ground while an under-strength Chelsea spanks them soundly. Well, they know he just loves to see those empty seats.
11th May am: Capeling, predictable as ever, backs Wenger in the League v Champions League ‘row’. Which misses the point, Wenger compared it to the FA Cup and that’s what made it utterly vindictive. Len knows this as well as anybody, but ploughs on regardless because, well, I suppose he spotted a bit of the carpet that hadn’t been chewed. Touching on the thorny issue of next year’s European Cup, “examining the evidence on Sunday at Highbury, you wonder whether it wouldn’t be more merciful to leave Liverpool on the sidelines”………
11th May pm: And while we’re on the subject of Highbury “evidence”, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Arsenal 7 Everton 0. That’s right, 7-0. It should have been 15. Would this be an inappropriate time to quote extensively from the Echo letters page? It would? Great! “Somebody had better build a statue of Sir David next to Dixie” – POW! “You have made us all proud to be blue again” – WHAM! “Give the manager a knighthood” – BLAMMO! “The team needs at least £40m to strengthen” – KABLOOEY! “David Moyes is an absolute legend” – stop, stop,
you’re killing me. Okay, one more: “do we get to miss the early rounds of the FA Cup now?” I love them, I really do. Who the hell needed Music Hall, anyway?
12th May: While we wait for Laughing Len to recuperate, we have to make do with (of all people) the Mail stating the blindingly obvious. “Do everyone a favour and give Liverpool that fourth CL spot……the evidence of last night suggests that Everton are swimming dangerously out of their depth…… one follower flew a flag onto the pitch in disgust”. No longer proud to be a blue, clearly. Yesterday’s whinge from David Weir about Everton’s latest (derisory) offer to keep him on had a huge spotlight shone on it last night. “An offer like that is saying ‘we’re not sure about your commitment’” – you know that two-year offer from Leeds? Grab it while you can.
13th May: Oh, are you still going? Forgot about you lot for a while there. The Glazer takeover of United is almost complete. The brainless dunderheads who have been opposing this are showing their displeasure by, erm, ripping up their season tickets. In the middle of May? It’s not exactly Braveheart, is it? The biggest leprechaun in the world has two sisters back in the US of Stateside – there’s no picture of them, thank Christ – who refer to United as “that famous old soccer team in London”. Which at least proves that not all Yanks are clueless about football and lack a sense of irony. It’s gratifying to know that in spite of a short-term improvement in his Grid-Iron team’s fortunes, “the Buccs have since slumped to the foot of! the table, sparking fears that he’ll offload their assets, put them on the market and the team will move to another city”. Shame Milton Keynes has already been snapped up, then. Magnier and McManus have just made £92m profit on the deal. What’s that old line about revenge being a dish best served cold? Don’t ever mess around with the Irish at Cheltenham!
14th May: Rafa, it’s over. There’s really no need for the “this is a big game for my players” speech any more. I know you’re trying to keep everyone on their toes, but let’s face it the cup final side picks itself. I mean, what are you going to do? Drop Hamann and pick Kewell? Ha ha ha ha ha! What-evurrrrr.
15th May: At least Djibril took him seriously. L 2 ASTON VILLA 1 had a strange vibe: not a thing riding on the result (although the Everton defeat did close the final gap to 3) but a sense of achievement and euphoria anyway. I think it would be a bit tight on Baros if he didn’t start, having led the line by himself for virtually the whole season. Benitez may like to think Cisse proved he could last 90 minutes, but a stroll v Villa will be nothing compared to searching for space against the best side in Europe. Anyway, Rafa’s got his “possibilities” so he’s happy enough.
16th May: So to recap: Liverpool have had their worst injury list ever, and played 17 more competitive games. They had a manager totally unaware of what the Premiership was like. We’ve reached two cup finals and can still win one of them, the biggest trophy in the game. We’ve scored more goals and conceded less, yet the other lot had a negative goal difference and the lowest goal tally of any fourth-placed side in the modern era (which means EVER). And yet they’re the best team in the city? Logic’s not their strong suit, is it?
17th May: Not that I rate him particularly, but he’s a player that we’ve been linked to recently (which I agree doesn’t narrow it down). So let’s remember what Simon Jordan said today: “Andy Johnson will leave Palace over my dead body”. I just hope somebody has made the funeral arrangements.
17th May: Speaking of the kiss of death, Moyes has won the LMA manager of the year award. The last time we were ever interested in the outcome of said ‘honour’ was back in 2001, when we all thought Houllier would get it. It went, instead, to Ipswich’s George Burley. 8 months before we beat them 6-0 on their own ground, 12 months before we beat them 5-0 at Anfield and sent them down, 17 months before Burley was sacked. And we’re off to Turkey next week. The glass is always half full, y’know! Positive thinking is all around us, as Andy Gray reviews Everton’s chances in Europe. “I would be thrilled if next ye! ar I can change the record to being in the first Everton side to succeed in Europe instead of only”. You’ve just lost 7-0 to Arsenal, the regular last-16 departees. Thrilled? Try gobsmacked. Besides, the blues won that cup (which is now defunct!) in 1985. Since that fateful year, their talent for “changing the record” is not all that impressive.
18th May: The Mail’s support for us lasts as long as you’d expect, now they’re back in shit-stirring mode. “Rafa’s a bore, says Ancelotti”. He said nothing of the kind, that’s obvious, but we’re not going to take stick from an Italian manager about defensive football are we? Especially one whose side bored the continent rigid back in 2003. Let’s just hope everyone makes it to the final in one piece, as our injury-plagued season has one more surprise in store: a player who was targeted by Rafa has just damaged his cruciate ligaments. Mark Gonzalez plays in Spain (yeah, I was surprised too) but is actually Chilean. Basco points out that Chile aren’t even in the top 70 nations, but nor were Gary Macca’s country and he did all right! . Ah, if only they had straw-clutching in the Olympics.
19th May: Well, Milan clearly think we’re worthy of a few mind games so we must be doing something right. “Milan play the game properly and attack more” says Maldini while persisting with this myth about “Liverpool are essentially very defensive”. Not when we needed 3 in 45 minutes against Olympiakos, not when we scored 3 home and away v Bayer (which Real and Juve couldn’t manage) and not in the first half against Juventus at Anfield. Maybe we’ve been cautious since we first popped up on AC’s radar, but if that’s what they’re really thinking they could be in for a surprise. It’s been the predominant theme of our whole campaign really, hasn’t it? Let’s hope there’s one more shock in store.
19th May: Respect to Cisse, or Lord of the Manor of Frodsham as we’re now duty bound to call him (they’ll love that in Liverworld). He’s banned foxhunting on his property after the League Against Cruel Sports asked him to. The Cheshire Hunt invited him on one of their rides. Don’t do it, lad – those horsy types have a drastic solution to anything with a broken leg. Which gives us a tenuous excuse to use a Julie Burchill quote: “two dozen horsemen and two dozen hounds onto one titchy fox? Why not get the Red Arrows in while you’re at it?”
19th May: While we’re on a horse theme, there’s an adage about getting the cart before one isn’t there? Not that I can figure out why Everton immediately made me think of carthorses, but one of their fans’ forum chaps in the ‘Echo’ is getting a bit giddy. “Pyunic Yervan here we come! Who fancies Sliema Wanderers? I’ve a funny feeling about Rabotnicki Skopje!” – that’s between you and your dermatologist. The guy’s hair is receding a fair bit, so he’s got plenty of room for a tattooed message on his forehead. Something like I’m a blue and I know fuck all about Europe should suffice.
20th May: Not that our blue brethren hold the copyright on presumption, mind you. “I am very confident and I want to win things. If people then say similar things about me as Shankly and Paisley then that would be fantastic”. I’m all for confidence, but you can have too much of a good thing. He’s talking about people who come to a club, any club, once in a century – but we were damn lucky to have 2 in 20 years. Three in 40 would be unbelievable, but it’s nice to know that he’s reaching for the stars I suppose – and any opportunity for Rafa to say “fantastic” has to be taken. It’s a wonderful sound! David Prentice meanwhile has seen the way things are going and urges a bit of caution. “Everton haven’t finished above their nearest! rivals” – he means that geographically – “in successive seasons since Cilla was a coatroom attendant and Liverpool were in the second division then”. Of course, the words “Goodison awash with unexpected transfer funds” inevitably displays a staggering unawareness of Everton’s talent for shooting themselves in the foot.
21st May: Like the Echo bringing out a “Back in Europe” special. You just keep asking for it, don’t you? “From Inter Milan to Rotterdam”? Inter weren’t your first opponents! Can you see Liverpool doing that? “Don’t put Reykjavik, it sounds naff”. The insecurity is breathtaking, and Rotterdam is obviously referring to 1985 and not the 1995 surrender to Feyenoord under Big Fat Head. I’m obviously not going to buy it, but I’ll bet my life savings that one football ground they never played in (but we did) gets mentioned the most. Mind you, I keep forgetting the name of the stadium was changed to ‘Ifithadinavbinfer’… ………
21st May: How sly can you get? The TV Licensing Agency is sending its vans round Merseyside on the 25th in order to catch anyone who hasn’t paid their Fee. You won’t catch me you sneaky bastards, I’ll be in Turkey spending your £120 on football and alcohol. The very definition of a busman’s holiday! “If you’re watching without a license then you face a knock on the door and prosecution” – and a visit to Room 101 by the sounds of it. Being an upright citizen (well, usually upright) I have paid and was therefore able to watch a dull final with Keane especially busting a gut to go through “all that presentation bollocks”. Mighty, fallen etc. Much good it did him. Wenger wins his fourth FA Cup, but is still waiting to even win one C! L quarter final – so, not really the same thing at all. Are they?
22nd May: Paul McCarthy’s spite knows no bounds. References to “C-List Reds” and “not since Cloughie’s Forest has a poorer set of players graced a European Cup final” abound. Look, I don’t expect a ticker tape parade and a few verses of “We’ll Meet Again” before our departure – but do you seriously think United or Chelsea would be subjected to such venom on the eve of a vital game like this one? Bastards like these will chew their own faces off if we win on Wednesday, and I hope Rafa is packing a folder of this kind of poison to pin up in the dressing room. We could probably decorate the stadium with the stuff.
23rd May: Dietmar Hamann, what a star. “It’s a special club. You can see and experience what a special place Anfield is on European nights. If they’d let me be an honorary Scouser, I’d take it”. I’m sure there’s a Z-list comedian’s line about chippies applicable here, but he has been one of our best players in the last decade and he’ll be so important in Istanbul.
23rd May: Steve Curry’s not at all bitter, y’know. On the eve of OUR biggest European night in years, he gets to choose his 5 favourite finals and both Manc games are in it. One Milan game shows up (not even the best, which was the destruction of Barca not the shady whitewash against Steau). None of ours is. The Echo sports desk beats that all ends up though: “Parry is confident that 20,000-plus fans will be a credit to the club”. When the hell has 30,000 (which their own news pages are stating) ever been referred to as “20,000-plus”? Only when you join petty bitterness up with eye-crossing jealousy.
24th May: “It will be criminal if we lose……it will be the proudest moment of my life……we’re not going just to enjoy the occasion, we’re going to win”. Sure beats “it’s probably not our year” anyway.
25th May am: Another bitter prick, John Dillon: “From Liverpool, a team of edgily-hopeful overachievers who never expected to be here led by an awkward-shaped Spaniard who doesn’t look as good in a suit as Maldini does in his track suit”. There are other homoerotic references to the Milan captain’s handsomeness, his “icy blue eyes” and how his English is so much better than Rafa’s. “While Milan sat composed in the press conference, Benitez and three players stood in the rain at the gates while a security guard checked to see if they were who they claimed to be”.
25th May pm, 26th May am: Readers have asked on numerous occasions why I bother so much about the press. They say Liverpool FC have never been their favourites, and that we will never get the coverage and credit that we deserve. Well, here’s why: AC MILAN 3 LIVERPOOL 3 (3-2 on penalties) – we are the Champions of Europe and all of you lying, scurrilous, shit-stirring, fat, ugly, can’t-write-for-toffee freeloading twats can kiss my hairy Scouse arse! Within the space of a month, Rafa and the lads have given us TWO of the greatest nights in our history. Does this beat Rome? It surely does. All of the other triumphs were as a consequence of our team being The Best. They were all marvellous nights but they were our due! , our right – this was something else again. All of the previous mockery of Everton’s debacle at Arsenal came back to haunt me at half time. The same stark, painful message – “all that garbage about your rightful place, and here you are being spanked and shown your rightful, lowly place in the scheme of things” – flashed down from the huge scoreboard. Translated into footballese, it read AC Milan 3 The team that I have loved my whole life 0. This fanzine will be full of Istanbul memories, and sometime this season I’ll get around to telling you my take on events (it was 4 days on a rollercoaster that I’ll never forget) – but if they ever ask me if I wanted to relive 6 minutes of my life over and over again it would be the period of time where my team roared like lions and blasted the best team in Europe off the stage. We will always remember the shootout, the celebrations and the presentation and they were fantastic, please don’t ever misunderstand me. We won, and in sport that no! t only counts for a lot it usually counts for everything – and we get to keep that beautiful trophy for all time - but from Gerrard powering Riise’s cross to Alonso blasting into the roof of the net, that WAS Liverpool Football Club in capsule form. The players and managers we’ve lost, the disasters we’ve had to face, the likes of Byrne in 1965 and the walking wounded at Munich in 1981, the Michael Thomas goal, Arsenal in Cardiff, Gerard’s heart surgery – and countless, countless other moments in our history. You think you’ve got us beat? You think we’re just going to lie down and take what you’re giving us? We’re not. We’re Liverpool Fucking Football Club and don’t you forget it. Ever.
26th May: It won’t be too shabby if I have to repeat the same joke every four years, will it? Anyway, here goes: thank you, thank you, thank you to the hundreds of thousands of Norwegians and Irish who filled the streets of Liverpool to welcome back our conquering heroes. I’d especially like to say sorry to the many representatives of The People’s Club who wore red to swell the numbers, just in case we really embarrassed ourselves by not having any Scousers there at all. You are a credit to the human race and if I have ever given the tiniest impression that you lot are the bitterest, snidiest, most misguided losers on the planet I can only apologise and say it will never happen again. See you all again in 2009.
26th May: Having taken the edge off (slightly), we can really get into the detail of our extraordinary triumph. First of all, how colossal was Hamann? I’m not surprised Bascombe gave man of the match to Gerrard - night follows day, after all. It should have gone to Dietmar, whose mere presence gave the whole team shape and belief. That also shines a worrying torch on the decisions of the manager. What on God’s green earth was he playing at? Was he taken in by AC Milan’s yapping about our defensive rigidity and thought “I’ll show you”? Did he merely want to catch them off guard early on and revert to a siege mentality once we’d scored? Oops. Harry Kewell was a shambles, but this isn’t news. He’s let us down so often that I can’t ! believe Rafa actually thought he was worthy of a place in his most important ever team selection. While we’re trashing the men at the top, David Moores seems to think last night was a vindication of his chairmanship. “This club means the world to me and I’m not going to let it go easily” – as the cat said to the mouse. Rafa and the lads have pulled off a unique achievement against the odds – which include a chairman that cannot sink any money into team building. Despite the horrendous injury list and an average squad, you gave him Morientes Pellegrino and Carson in the last transfer window. Thanks.
27th May: I know I’m a fool to read them, but in my current hyperventilated state it’s funnier than ever. The Daily Mail: “they may not be the best team on Merseyside” and Curry’s “30,000 Liverpool fans” (this in stark contrast to the myth about 75m MU fans around the world he touts). John Dillon: “the Reds’ real test lies ahead” (beating Juve and Chelsea, then coming from 3 down to the meanest defence in Europe was a piece of piss then?). Even the Manchester Evening News congratulated us on their front page, so why do the nationals still have to be so petty?
28th May: Oh well, the headache’s gone now so it’s back to the grind and the everyday routine stuff – like laughing at Everton. They’re after Hamann, according to the Express. They’ve passed on Gerrard, though – they get enough goals from Cahill. Apart from The Kaiser, the names of Scott Parker and Mikael Forsell also pop up. We won’t actually need cheering up this summer, but counting all the blues’ knock-backs always brings a smile to these here chapped lips.
29th May: After that huuuuge performance in the final, our gloriouscaptainwhoseloyaltywehaveneverever doubtednosireebob may have been expecting some kind of reward. Freedom of the city? Big wage hike? Hot nubile goddesses blowing him from dawn to dusk? Some or all of these treats may yet come to pass, but none of them will be as treasured as The People’s gesture – getting a half naked Abi Titmus to write ‘Gerrard 8’ on her back. In lipstick, yet. I don’t know, these footballers – is there anything they can’t have? Johann Cruyff’s changed his tune a bit since 2001: “there’s not one club in the world so united with their ! fans, I sat watching the Liverpool fans and they sent shivers down my spine”. Our team were brilliant, but take a bow folks because you were too.
29th May: I’m amazed it took a whole four days, but here it comes: “Rated Rafa Is Real’s Choice”. He was recommended to them by their substitute striker, apparently.
30th May: “Sportsmail readers lead the fight for Liverpool” – is life just weird, or what? Sportsmail is desperate to see the Reds in Europe – yes, that’s the same paper Jeff Powell Ian Wooldridge and Simon Heffer write for. They’ve even given their campaign a title – Let It Be. Makes a change from Long & Whining Road, I suppose.
30th May: “When I don’t feel pressure then I can be the best goalkeeper in the world”, says the man who just stood in front of AC Milan in a penalty shootout and came out on top! God bless him for everything he did that night, but we all know he isn’t going to be the first choice next season. It seems quite strange, what with Igor and Vladi going, that our Istanbul heroes are treated this way but we can (and must) do better next season. Maradona has joined our ranks, saying “I’ve now made Liverpool my English team, they proved miracles exist and football is the most beautiful sport of all……there were 10 Liverpool fans to every 3 of Milan’s, they were losing 3-0 and still they didn’t stop singing”. All of which is very nice I’m s! ure, but until we’re being complimented by the real greats (Burridge, Kamara, Duxbury, Peacock D, Darracott) we’ll never amount to anything of any consequence.
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